


Perfect Match

by GrimSylphie



Category: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Asexual Relationship, Asexuality Spectrum, Body Worship, Dubcon Mentioned, Immortal Husbands Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Kink Meme, M/M, team as a family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:46:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26112853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrimSylphie/pseuds/GrimSylphie
Summary: After dinner one night conversation turns to Nicky and Joe’s sex life, or rather lack there of. Nicky and Joe tell her the story of how they came to realize they both wanted the same thing.Nicky and Joe as asexuals on slightly different parts of the spectrum written forthiskink meme prompt.
Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia & Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani & Nicky | Nicolò di Genova & Quynh | Noriko, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 16
Kudos: 221





	Perfect Match

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, friendly reminder that asexuality is a spectrum and not every asexual person has the same feelings regarding sex. 
> 
> In this I wrote Joe as a more of a sex positive asexual. While he doesn’t feel the need he wouldn’t be opposed if it was what Nicky wanted. Nicky on the other hand is less sex positive but isn’t opposed to kissing, cuddling, or other forms of intimacy with Joe (body worship).
> 
> The last warning, is Joe and Nicky are convinced by others that they’re missing something from their life by not having sex. They work it out in the end and the ones who convince him did apologize at some point (as shown by Nicky and Joe’s current actions) though the apology is not specifically featured.

One night Nile was sitting at an actual dining room table with Andy practicing her Russian when she noticed Andy watching Nicky and Joe through the doorway to the kitchen, the two men flirting as they worked their way through cleaning the dishes. 

“They’re pretty cute together, it’s nice to see they’re so domestic even after so many years together.” Nile commented. She watched as Nicky bumped shoulders with Joe. Joe responded by kissing the man who meant everything to him. 

“It’s cute. It’s also annoying as hell.” Andy replied gruffly.

“Why? They’re always so respectful. I never even hear them have sex the way you’d hear most couples in such tight quarters.” Nile commented, realizing for the first time that she never had to shove a pillow over her head the way she did back at the barracks when people let off steam together. She imagined a couple that in love would be more vocal about their sex.

Andy laughed. “Oh Nile, they aren’t being respectful. They don’t fuck.” She explained between laughs.

Before Nile could respond Joe peeked his head through the doorway. “What’s so funny Andy, did Nile make up a good innuendo by accident or are you just talking shit, again?” He teased.

Nicky followed him a moment later until they were both standing in the doorway. Andy continued laughing for another minute before finally calming down. “I’m sorry, it’s not really that funny. It’s just Nile thought you two were some sort of respectful sex ninjas getting off without her noticing. I forgot she didn’t know you two don’t fuck.” 

Nicky gave Andy a dirty look, but it seemed far more exaggerated given his teasing tone. “Of course we don’t fuck. On the rare occasions we choose to engage in intercourse we make love.” 

“Wait! Rare occasions?” Nile was dumbstruck. “You two, the men who cannot go an hour without looking wistfully at each other, who flirt more than anyone I ever met, and top it off with constant gestures of love rarely sleep together?” 

“No, of course not. We sleep curled around each other ever night.” Joe offered. “We just don’t have sex. We’re... what’s the term, my love?” Joe turned to Nicky.

“Asexual.” Nicky answered, completing Joe’s sentence. “Neither of us derive pleasure from sexual acts.” 

Nile’s mouth opened and a small “Oh.” came out. It made so much more sense now that they had explained it fully. “That’s cool. I just, I guess I never would have expected it given how much you two cling to one another when nobody is looking.” Joe and Nicky had a tendency to hold back in public, sharing only looks or occasional touches to the shoulder or arm. She assumed it was because western society had cemented this idea that their love was wrong into the world and they didn’t want to risk being attacked and having their secret found out. They were less careful when they were home. It wasn’t uncommon to see them holding hands, kissing, or laying on the couch wrapped in each other’s arms.

“We don’t like to make a big deal of it. We’ve long since worked through our feelings on the matter. It took some time but when you have all the time in the world figuring out just how you fit together with your soulmate is easy.” Nicky explained as Joe offered him a wink.

Nile looked thoughtful. She knew what being asexual meant but she hadn’t met someone who was openly ace. After all, it wasn’t like she talked about sexual preferences much once she joined the military. Even after don’t ask don’t tell was repealed there was still a culture of secrecy among those on active duty. 

“You can ask us questions if you want. I’m sure they’ll be much more appropriate than Andy’s.” Joe offered, seemingly reading Nile’s thoughts. Andy gave Joe a middle finger in response and went to refill her drink.

Nile blushed, her face heating up. She hoped they wouldn’t notice how nervous she was. “Oh, I just... I guess how did you know? I can’t imagine it was easy.”

“Ahh.” Joe nodded sitting down. “I didn’t always know, not for myself and not for us together. I was a merchant, I was expected to help secure the family business and our future. I was expected to take a wife and have children with her. I did everything I could to avoid that responsibility but my parents had arranged a marriage for me upon my return from Jerusalem where I went to trade supplies that I could bring back home to sell. I knew I dreaded the idea of returning home to what might be a loveless marriage; one where I would be expected to fulfill my duties as husband but I never considered why. I assumed it was the loss of freedom or the fact that while I had no issues with a pretty woman I would have chosen a man give the option.” Joe could see Nile was already engrossed after just a few words. It was often they forgot she was so new because of how well she fit in. She hadn’t heard these stories yet and was not bored when they reminisced about their mortal lives. 

“I always knew.” Nicky added quietly. “I was fortunate I was a third son, bound for the priesthood because I knew I would never desire another person in a carnal way. I assumed it was because God had always intended for me to be a priest.” Nicky sighed. “I only left to fight because I was young and strong and the pope told us we needed to fight in god’s name. I did many bad things during those days. It was not until many years later that I realized how vile my crimes were.”

“They’re called crusaders now but that is because the winners romanticize their actions. They were invaders, destroying a peaceful city because the people living there did not worship the way they did. My Nicoló was wrong for what he did but he has repented and I forgive him. I think his god does too.” Joe offered.

“Okay, but how does that explain how you guys came to be and sorted out what you wanted from your relationship?” Nile asked.

“You already know we killed each other. Many times.” Nicky reminded. “When the dust settled it was only us in a field of corpses. Too many had seen us die. We couldn’t go back to our respective sides for fear they would not see our survival as miracles, but rather dark magic. More importantly, I did not speak the language or know the region so I had little choice but to follow Yusuf, though it pained me to do so.”

“In the beginning he hated having to see me as a person, having to see the societies he worked so hard to destroy because it made him realize he was wrong. That his church and his pope were wrong when they told him to kill us.” Joe explained with a small smirk on his face. “I didn’t think so at the time but the look of confusion on his face those first few years was adorable.”

“Eventually, we came to know one another, we became friends more than traveling companions, and eventually we fell in love. I was quite shocked by it because I never thought I would love another human romantically, either. After all, I had promised myself to god as a priest and then to his mission as a warrior.” Nicky explained. 

“I was just shocked that the barbaric invader with the stunning eyes was a good and kind man underneath all the bigotry. Also that under the dirt and grime he was handsome.” Joe countered. “We were fighting one day and I wanted to shut him up before he said something that got us both killed. So I kissed him.”

“I was shocked.” Nicky held his fingers up to his lips as if he could still feel the memory of it. “It felt good though so I kissed him back.”

“It was sweet. He tasted like the pomegranate we had earlier in the day.” Joe shared, his eyes bright with the memory of it. “We continued like that for a while, just sharing kisses and casual touches. Eventually we worked our way to sharing a bedroll and holding one another through the night.”

“Then, Andy nearly destroyed our love.” Nicky remarked, sarcasm thick in his voice as he glared at Andy again. 

Andy for her part downed the vodka in her glass and poured another. She seemed to be doing her best to ignore them while never leaving the table.

“How did Andy almost ruin things?” Nile asked incredulously. 

“Well, around that time we had a good thing going but then we met her and Quynh. They were horny and they were exhibitionists.” Joe explained.

“We were not, you just had poor timing.” Andy argued.

“You started trying to get Quynh off in the middle of dinner!” Joe countered, raising his voice. Despite the yelling Nile could tell this was an argument they had before and neither was truly mad.

“I learned much I never wanted to know during those days.” Nicky said with the tone of a man who had seen too much. “They noticed we did not engage in sexual activities despite being together and cornered each of us alone to ask why. They made us think we were holding the other back from having a fulfilling relationship.” 

“We were trying to help.” Andy countered.

“They were meddling.” Joe said with a sense of finality. “Anyway, I didn’t have a need for actual intercourse. Though, I would admit that I was eager to explore my Nicolo’s body with my tongue and kiss every part of it so that he knew my love.”

“I didn’t even want that much at the time. Holding Yusuf in my arms was enough.” Nicky looked at Joe as he always did, as if Joe hung the sun, the moon, and the stars. “We both fumbled around and somehow both decided to try it for the sake of giving the other one what they wanted.”

“We weren’t great at communicating in those days. While we learned each other’s languages it wasn’t yet natural and we sometimes had mistranslations.” Joe explained. “Sex was no different in that regard. Neither of us was particularly eager, both of us struggling through our discomfort or lack of interest as fast as we could in an effort to get it over with. We didn’t stop to see that we were both feeling the same way about it until the end.”

“It was awful. It was just unappealing and messy.” Nicky explained. “Then Andy and Quynh told us every first time was like that and it would get better.”

“The second time we didn’t even get that far. Neither of us really could bring ourselves to push through it again.” Joe concluded. “We discussed it and found we had been fine the way we were and promised to ask the other when we wanted something instead of listening to Andy and Quynh.”

“To that end, we did have a wonderful night a few weeks down the line when he kissed every part of me while mumbling apologies for making me uncomfortable the first time.” Nicky offered, stars in his eyes. “Yusuf was so sweet and tender as if he thought I would shatter in his hands.”

“Ahhh, and my Nicoló composed poetry for me. He so often showed his love through his actions but it was the first night I ever heard it in words.” Joe added.

“So, really, I helped you.” Andy chimed in. Earning an exaggerated glare from both of the immortal men. They didn’t seem to mean it though, it was something that seemed like water under the bridge.

“We would have reached the point in our own time.” Nicky argued. “We didn’t need help or the concern that our partner would hate us for not seeing the appeal the way the two of you did.” 

“Did you ever try again or was it a one and done sort of thing?” Nile asked.

“We try from time to time, maybe every hundred or two hundred years when we hear there’s some new trend that sounds fun.” Joe offered. “We never do too much in the end, maybe just play around together and reaffirm our love. Nicky doesn’t like even imagining most of it and honestly, most things sound so much better in theory but when given the chance to implement them in practice I opt out because I know I won’t enjoy them as much if Nicky doesn’t enjoy them too.”

“Ever since Yusuf worshiped my body under the stars nothing else has ever felt necessary. His kisses showed me all that I needed and more. Why would I want to anything else?” Nicky finished.

“You two are cute together. I don’t really understand it but, hey, whatever works.” Nile offered with a shrug. “Besides, at least this way you aren’t keeping me up at night the way people did in the old barracks.”

“Thanks, we are pretty cute.” Joe responded, pulling Nicky in for a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
